Much as I wish the title of this entry, "Laundry Room Mustard Gas" could be a good cover band name, it is rather something more ridiculous. It encapsulates my morning with my cat, Baron Harkonnen.
The hulking giant in the foreground is Baron Harkonnen, and the creeper in the back is Tyr.
Baron Harkonnen is, by far, the single most neurotic creature on planet Earth. He could have documentaries made about how weird he is. He is terrified of innocuous things, like celery, and is often skittish about being pet. He loves to be brushed, and does a fairly poor job of grooming himself. He will want to snuggle you when you are using dangerous equipment, like power tools.
Baron loves my best friend Eric, and tolerates Baby Mo (on my arm), Yolandi the Everkitten, and the dog. But vegetables are terrifying, because of cat logic.
Last year, my BFF Eric visited us for a few days. He's met our cats before, and Baron loves him. Baron wanted nothing more than to sleep on the bed in Eric's room and be snuggling with him. It was super endearing, and perhaps the most well-adjusted that cat has ever been. All good things must come to an end, and Eric had to depart for home. At this point, Baron began peeing in our laundry room sink. His pee smells straight up toxic.
Baron (left) is snuggled up against Joe, with Merlin (right) on Joe's leg. Merlin and Joe are a bonded pair.
This cat is not sick or in need of medical treatment. He's been checked out by a vet, and he is just really weird. We joke that he is like Jerry Gergich from Parks and Recreation, Season 2: Episode 4.
Jerry Gergich ≈ Baron Harkonnen Cat
Leslie Knope: Hey, guys. What are you guys doing?
April Ludgate: Trying to see who has the least amount of dirt on them in case someone wants to run for office.
Dave Sanderson: Oh, well, it ain't Jerry, that's for sure. He's got a couple of 3-5-9s him. Public urination.
Jerry Gergich: I don't like this game. I just don't like it. [Jerry walks out of the office.]
Dave Sanderson: He's probably gonna anger pee in the courtyard
Every few days, at least, I clean out the sink. Much as I try to get to it once or twice a day, I make sure I do it 3 times a week minimum. It smells and is unhygienic, so I don't like to let it linger.
Almost the site of my untimely demise earlier today.
When I deal with the laundry room sink, I clean it with bleach. Today, however, the cat pee concentration was so strong that it started smoking and offgassing noxious fumes when I put the bleach on it. I had to stop everything so I could open windows and turn on fans to not kill us all from Mustard Gas.
Peggy is insane, and I like her for that.
Like Peggy Hill's blunder in the "Bystand Me" episode of King of the Hill, where she advocated to readers of the Arlen Bystander that they combine the cleaning power of ammonia with the whitening power of bleach.